Archive for November, 2008
27
Nov
08
Smoked Turkey
Happy Thanksgiving from Smoker’s Hack!
Look how young and smoove Ronnie is in this ad for Chesterfields! I bet one of those “Christmas Card Cartons” is addressed to Jimmy Stewart!
So to celebrate the upcoming Christmas Season (and yes, I called it Christmas), I went through and picked the best of the Christmas Smoking Advertisements and I’ll post one a day until Christmas Day. I’ll also post regular posts when they come up.
Because “smoking” and “Christmas” are practically against the law now, I’m celebrating both. Meat too will soon be against the law, and then the Nightbreed will get TOTALLY pissed off. When that happens, the title of these blogs is going to change to “Hack Yourself a Meaty Little Christmas”.
I decided to post the best one first. Why not start things off right?
22
Nov
08
I’ll service you (wink wink)
21
Nov
08
Munchausen By Foxy
Myrtle is totally tired….
And totally foxy!
I love places that use a fox as their mascot – the foxes are always fucking CLASSY and have MAJOR SKILLZ with the ladies….
Whenever I see a “fox” establishment (usually it’s a bar or restaurant), I always get wet panties.
If you’re a loyal reader, you should know how much I dig the “public foxes”. So much that Foxes have their own category on Smoker’s Hack.
Some of Myrtle’s favorite foxy foxes:
Fox & Hounds Fox
Santa Monica, CA
Snooty Fox (and his twin brother Baldwin Hills Fox)
Los Angeles, CA
Red Fox (no stupid fucking “I’m coming Elizabeth” jokes, please!)
San Bernardino, CA
Black Fox (and I dont mean Billy Dee Williams either!)
Rolling Meadows, IL
Silver Fox (like Steve)
Redondo Beach, CA
Wait!!!!
How in the fuck did Peter Gabriel Fox get in here?????
Now Myrtle doesn’t feel so foxy 
17
Nov
08
One Night In Irvine (circa 1975)
Steve: “Mmmm, this Frangelico is dee-fucking-lish!”
Jackie: “That’s good. My Snuggly is strong, but good!”
Steve: “You’re my Snuggly, babe….”
Jackie: “Hee hee hee!”
Steve: ” You know what would be good, babe? I mean, besides my face in your “snuggly”?”
Jackie: “Hee hee hee!”
Steve: “A smoke.”
Jackie: “MMMM! That sounds good!”
Steve: (while looking around the bear skin rug for his ultra smooth L&M’s) “Yeah, I’ve been kind of stressed lately. The boss got all uptight cause I left early the other day to meet up with the guys at Bobby McGee’s. He thinks he’s all that, just because he bought a brand new house in Cota Del Caza.”
Jackie: ” Cota Del Caza is really nice….”
Steve: (still looking for his ultra smooth L&M’s) “What, is Irvine not good enough for you anymore?”
Jackie: “That’s not what I said!”
Steve: (getting even more pissed that he can’t find his ultra smooth L&M’s) ” You can always go back to living at your parents house in Costa Mesa and working at FedCo….”
Jackie: (angrily getting up) “Maybe I will! And by the way asshole – your cigarettes have been right next to you this whole time, right under your fat face!”
Steve: (picking up the pack of ultra smooth L&M’s that were laying right next to his arm) “Damn it – I thought they were part of my sleeve! Sorry for being such a jerk babe – this boss of mine has got me so uptight, and now that I found my smokes, the full bodied flavor of L&M will help me forget about everything.”
Jackie: (muttering) “Will they make me forget about your comb-over and ugly ass shirt?”
Steve: “What!”
Jackie: “Oh nothing – nothing important…”
16
Nov
08
The Empire Strikes Tobacco
C3PO is always a fucking snitch.
So what if R2 wants a light one up? Maybe Lando Calrissian slipped him a fucking Kool or something?
Stumble It!